Have you ever been into a point of your life wherein everything starts to weigh up in your chest and you have no idea where you’re headed? Like the universe is starting to swallow your whole existence and you are but a strand of ashes lost from a gigantic collision?
It feels like I’m in that kind of strange zone right now. It feels like I’m in a stupor of madness. Have you ever felt that way?
My life has become bullets. Just like when you pull a trigger and the bullets goes off the hook flying nowhere hitting everyone down. I don’t know what kind of life is that but I sure am enveloped with hope that the upcomming days are going to be better than this one.
It appears like I’m trapped in an abyss that hold two sides of a coin. One that is peaceful and serene and another that holds ravage and insanity. I really don’t know where I belong. Each time I try to step up into the brighter side, the other side drags me like I’m somewhat part of it. It’s crazy and stupid but it’s difficult to let loose when the pressure starts to clog in your medulla eventually making you brain dead.
How does anyone overcome such sadness that roots nowhere?
I tried to map my feelings with red tiny dots in a thin sheet of paper yet it looks like I’m always stuck in a black hole. A black hole that looks like the pits in the universe. Unidentified. Unexplored.
Astonauts try to draw the universe each time they exlplore the outerspace. They weigh it’s circumference and depth yet no matter how hard they try, they’re still left with pure assumptions. They whirl over to come up with something in order to traverse the other side of this world but even the milkyway galaxy, which is too small to explore compared to other galaxies, seems to be impossible.
The space people use the cosmic ground as their playground, searching for answers from tiny stars to large satellites to bigger planets which eventually makes up this whole galactic space we are all in. It is complicated but they try.
They keep on trying even if the past hypotheses has been proven wrong, even if their present hypotheses could be proven wrong, even if their future hypotheses will be proven wrong. And that’s probably one of the best thing about them… They try.
They try even if some people laughs and curse their study. They try even if others think that their work is silly and that they should be investing their time in a much important matter that goes rampant in this planet. They try and they do not let these barbarous discouraging talks affect them. Instead, they use it as an inspiration to work harder.
Whenever I hear the sound of raindrops on the rooftop, I cover myself with a banket and start to wish that in my next life, I could be an astronaut, or a moon, or a star, or anything interwined with the galaxy, because when that day comes, I’d probably jump out into one of that blackholes and be lost with its darkness. It’s pathetic but I like the idea that I’d be geared enough to be brave in finding answers.