When my mom visited me last week to do her business here, I couldn’t bear not talk to her about my thoughts of resigning. Of course as a mother, she’s always been an optimistic cheerleader. During our conversation, she reiterated to me the parable about the fox and the grapes. Have you ever heard about it before? Here let me tell you once more:
Once a famished fox saw some clusters of ripe black grapes hanging from a trellised vine. Because she is very hungry, she resorted to all her tricks to get them, but after trying for several hours, she wearied herself in vain. At last she turned away, beguiled herself of disappointment. In her thoughts she said: “The Grapes are sour, and not ripe as I thought”. Read more here
I’ve repeatedly told myself that I will never be a quiter in this field but geez, I’m loosing all the spark of getting out of bed to work. It’s becoming an ardous task to walk in the streets that used to shower me so much sunshine before. I told mom all about it and she asked me why. I told her that there is no reason at all, I just feel like some people are happier with their work and I don’t think I feel that same level of happiness here.
She looked at me with bewildered eyes and at last she said maybe I am just envious which makes it difficult for me to focus on my own happiness. I stopped and contemplated on this for a while.
I have a love hate relationship with my work eversince and there are many times when it is all but tiring. I often fantasize of getting a new job and try to picture myself in it, wondering if I would be happier there.
A person once told me about the Many Worlds Theory where other possibilities of our lives could actually exist in other worlds because our galaxy is just a pint of sand in this vast, infinite universe. It does have a point. So I kept asking, what if in those other cosmos, my other clones are happier because they made a different choice?
You see, that’s the problem here. My mind has been infested with negativity: self pity and envy. These two fragile emotions can become very dangerous if not controlled. Maybe that’s why I feel so frustrated whenever I fail in trying because my mind is always full of what if’s.
I remember the parable my mom told me and now I see her point. Thus, I am now making a pact to myself that from today onward, to the best of my abilty, I will stop thinking about the other possibilities that are not here, and are impossible to be here. I will be the kind of fox who, even if she fails a million times, will not stop trying. Even if the grapes are sour and not ripe after all (they will one day). God has a plan for each and everyone of us and I will focus on that. I have faith in that.
At the end of our talk, my mother told me to focus on my progress and that she’s very lucky to have us, to have me. Gee, I wanted to hug her and curl up in her lap.
Ps. Thanks mom, your the best! I am very lucky to have you too, you and dad, and the rest of the gang! *cheesy kisses*