It dawned on me today that we are two different people, on different planets, with entirely different cosmic stars, so even if I’ll try to fight the current that separates you from me, I will never win. So now, I am accepting the fact that you will always be a beautiful memory to be remembered, probably the best one.
It’s been three years. It’s been three straight-out years and still, you keep my heart from falling and breaking and I don’t know why I never found the courage to let it go. Maybe because I was all over you too much that even if I keep telling my friends that I’m so over you, my heart keeps flipping whenever I see you.
I really don’t know when it all started. Maybe it was the time when they linked us together at hallway. I swear that the spiders were the only living creatures to witness my face blush. Or maybe it was the time when you tried to smile at me because I was acting all stupid. But that was because I always feel stupid and shy around you. Maybe it was the heat of the sun, or the wind, or the chirping birds, or the mathematical problem that I can not solve. Maybe it was your brown eyes, or the curls of your hair, or your presence all along. There are too many maybe’s behind my feelings for you. That will always be constant.
It’s very complicated. I can’t– I don’t even know where to begin. It feels like a boiling water in a pot, it keeps boing and boiling until everything inside evaporates, and when it’s empty, the mist from the evaporation starts to disappear. That’s how I feel right now. So, I guess, I am ready.
When it comes to feelings, like the one I share wih you, I am a very private person, keeping a low profile whenever I talk about it. But that doesn’t mean I am ashamed or proud of it, I guess, I just want to be independent from all of the outside control and judgements because I know mutuallity is something I can not afford with you.
I am writing because I want to express how I feel. I’ve never written a letter for you before, or maybe I did once, and that was three years ago. But today, it’s the first time I’m saying goodbye. I am finally dispelling the magic you casted on me because it keeps me dreaming. And you know, you’re that kind of dream which I never want to wake up to because you are too addictive and beautiful. For me, it feels terrible and unfair, and I’m so sorry for it.
Ps. If you know who you are, I want to remind you that I am not letting you go, I am only letting the feelings leave, for good. Even if it’ll hurt for a little while, it will no longer be as mucsh as before, so we should remain friends, shall we?