Dreams and Death

When you’re dreaming you don’t really realize that you are dreaming, right? It would feel like you’re really there and the moment is really happening.

So I’ve been having a few weird dreams lately but the one that I had yesterday was really odd. I was at Ilocos bonding with my sister Marga and we were truly having fun. My mother was also there telling us something I can’t remember. Then when she left, I realized that I was actually on a dream because it hit on me that I still have a 2 PM duty to attend to that afternoon. As much as I wanted to stay there, I needed to wake up because I might run late.

After realizing that, I woke to the same setting of my previous dream, the only diferrence was my other sister, Neva was also there. She was having a high grade fever. I tried to touch her and found out that her shirt was already wet so I called Marga to help me change her. My mother said that I should be very careful with her back because it was infested with worms. When I saw my sisters back (on the left lower quadrant), it really looked bad. There were little white worms on her skin- or something- because it didn’t looked like a skin or flesh at all. It was rather sand like. I told Marga to get a stick or a knife so we could remove each worm but she said that there was more inside so I shouldn’t bother. I thought maybe Neva was despised by a witch. I was all frantic so I ran out to get something from the kitchen and when I came back, everything went blurry again. Still, I was aware that I was on a dream the whole time.

The next setting was back at my room in Manila. That’s the time when I thought it was real (since that was where I was before I slept). I was lying on my bed and I couldn’t open my eyes, though I can move my body. I tried both hands to open it but I couldn’t. I even asked someone to blow it for me but it didn’t work. It felt like it was glued in between. The scenario went twice that I thought maybe I was already dead because I keep having chest pain for four days in row, and then now, I can’t open my eyes!

Funny, I even tried to wait for someone to show up to come and get me bacause that is how it works in movies.

As I was contemplating in darkness, there was a sudden bit of flash and then I was back in my room again and at last, I was able to open my eyes and wake up for real. I found it difficult to move my body so I initially tried to open and close my fingers until I can finally control myself. It was a really a weird dream. The kind that makes you want to cry.

My mother told me that it was a “bangungot” or a nightmare. I was pretty sure it was, but hell, the thought of dying really did strike me. Because when you’re dead, you’re dead. You can’t go back and change things. People won’t see, hear or touch you. Isn’t that terrifying?

It’s not that I’am afraid of dying, or maybe I am in denial, but I guess, I am more afraid of going without having to tell everybody, who means so much to me, everything that I want to say to them.

I wish I could right now, but I am not ready, yet. If could, then I would make a list of things they should bear in mind when I’m gone. That list would be very long it would take them one whole day to read it, because that’s how much I care.

First, I would tell them not to be sad because I will always be with them in spirit. Second, I would tell them to move on and be happy because death after all is just the beggining. Third, I would tell them that I am so sorry for all the wrong things that I’ve done and then I would hug them so so tight and tell them how much I love them, and how much I will miss them. Lastly, I will show them the list that I’m going to make. Lol.

I’ve had a lot of bad, good, scary and funny dreams lately, but this one was kind of different because it makes me wonder about what will heppen next after life. I’ve thought about it before but it remains a mystery floating in my head up to now.

There are several theories and attestation from those who had experienced those fleeting and almost supernatural experiences after comming back from being dead. I marvel if these were all true or they were just dreaming all along, too, because the fact remains that when we are squarely dead, we can’t come back anymore,  so no one can authentically testify what will happen next. (As for theories, I like the Orchestrated Reduction Theory, because I want to be a part of the universe when I die.)

But whatever it is, it’s all right. I like exploring things and I guess that part when we’ll finally get to meet death won’t be so boring. I just wish that before it happens, I’ve already accomplished my purpose in life and completed my bucket list. I’m also hoping that when that time comes, all my loved ones will be there surrounding me, because they are the last one I’d want to see before I finally succomb to my deepest slumber.

Ps. This is so morbid, sorry!!


Author: summerbeans

Collecting lights 💕

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